mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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