and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
