Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
