Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
