I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
