no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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