six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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