Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
