Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
