I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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