wanna go halves on a baby?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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