I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
