I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
