So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize