did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
