I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize