and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
