I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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