so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
