And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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