hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
