Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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