Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize