I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
