it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
