Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
