time to smoke my breakfast
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
they're like a gay fantastic four
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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