Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
