I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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