Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
