And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
