I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
