We're like a lot better than the average bears
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
