woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
