I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
