1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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