Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
whose ass print is on the piano?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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