I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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