do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I party with great urgency now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
