I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
