woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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