tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
