I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
