she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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