This girl is more easily done than said...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
