the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize