Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
