I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
