dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
