im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we're making bets on your personal life
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That accounts for only three of the penises
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
