i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
