Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
