I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
