just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You smell like stripper and shame
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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