Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
