If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
