weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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