The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
