Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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