I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
