Umm I'm too high to move.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
