i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize