just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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