Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize