ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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