This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
