had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize