I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize