If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
