I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
