ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
