I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
