i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
