you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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