My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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