He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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