Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
