smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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