Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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