I feel like abortions should bother me more
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
