the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
