alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
