I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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