i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
