you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
