just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
