hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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