if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
