So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
