508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
