just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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