i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
