oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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