I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
