My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it's not cheating when I paid for it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
