Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
