All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize