Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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