It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
